EPISODE 2O: You are the expert you've been looking for - an interview with Deepshikha Sairam
Transcript and Show Notes:
Emily Carter 00:06
Hi, I'm Emily. And this is From Hustle to Hell Yes, the podcast where I share insights and interviews on entrepreneurship for small business owners craving a GPS. Hop in and lets joy ride to a sustainable, profitable business without burning out, getting stuck or stalling out. Destination: more revenue, less hustle
Emily Carter 00:37
Y'all, I am so excited to share this next episode with you, where I had the opportunity to sit down with Deepshika Sairam. The reason I'm so excited is that Dee has recently shifted from a focus on helping business owners create aligned authentic sales processes to being a spiritual mentor for high achieving entrepreneurs. Now, if this episode sounds super woowoo to you, and it's not your jam, or if you're giving me some side eye right now about mixing these two things together, I totally understand. But let me tell you why this episode is so important and exciting. Deepshikha helps business owners go from feeling chaotic, to centered at peace and in flow. So they can get beyond the noise of their inner chatter and be in their highest self expression. What could be better for business owners struggling to be authentic in their sales processes than exactly that? She uses a delicious mix of spiritual and energy work to help them match their inner state their outer reality while guiding them back to their true nature. If you've ever hit a wall in your business and thought, I just want someone to tell me what I need to do next. If you've ever been told that your problem is a quote unquote, scarcity mindset, or if you've ever felt like something in your business is just not working the way you need or want it to but you're not sure what the deal is with that, we go deep on all of that and a lot more in this conversation. We talk about what it actually means to be a successful entrepreneur. We talk about spiritual bypassing in business, especially toxic positivity and the blame game. And we unpack stinky sales strategies. What to do if that exact script or roadmap you bought is not working for you. Deepshikha really knows her stuff. She's been featured in Entrepreneur, tiny Buddha, elephant journal and Self Magazine. And when she's not cooped up in her New Jersey suburban home, you can find this mom of two boys with her nose and a psychological thriller, or watching reruns of Game of Thrones, like her life depends on it. And today, she's here talking to me about our relationship to ourselves and what that means for our work.
Emily Carter 03:07
Hi, Deepshikha! Now, you know, I've just shared your bio and a little bit about what we're going to talk about. But you know, there's so much more to your story than what I just shared. And I really could spend all day talking about your journey of entrepreneurship and how you've gotten to where you are. And in a way, we're kind of going to be doing that today. But can you also share with us a bit about your philosophy around being a successful entrepreneur? And you know, really what makes a successful business owner?
Deepshikha Sairam 03:37
That is such an interesting question. And I will have to say that my answer to this question has changed so much over the years, it has a wall so much. I think many business entrepreneurs who have been in business for a few years will say the same thing or have may have gone through the same experience. I also think that it's very, very much equal into the Maslow's theory of needs, right? Because when I started my business, my my sole aim my sole goal, like you know, what I thought would make me successful was if I made $500 a month out that now was my like, you know, goal that would, that would give me the money to get an upgrade on my pedicure, I would be able to get the special spa pedicure where I get the 10 minute massage instead of paying for it. That was the goal that was the goal to to spa pedicures a month. That is it. And then you know, I started my business because I wanted to create an identity for myself. And I wanted to get get a financially independent identity as well. And I think the last couple of years, there's so much that has changed in our world. There's so much perspective that has been shown to all of us, and I am for one who is always someone who wants to take lessons and who wants to you know, show that in my business as well. So you So access has kind of changed. For me right now, where I am. In fact, you just shared my bio Emily. And this is pretty much the first time that I am, I'm going to be in the world being known as a spiritual mentor, because I've spent the last four years teaching business owners business strategy and marketing. And I came to a point in my business. And this is something that I really, really want to talk about, as I just told you, right that I created my business to get my identity, I was a stay at home mom, it felt like I was only a mom, I wanted an identity of my own. And I created I wanted to create an identity. But what I didn't realize was that I was trading my identity as a mom as a spouse, and trading it with the identity of a business owner. Yeah, and over the last four years, while I had great successes, my business was featured in many places, made money helped a lot of people. And I was really good at what I was doing. That came a time in my life this year, where I was like, Oh, who am I? Like, I felt like my identity was so wrapped up in my business. Oh, yes. Yeah. So when I asked myself the question, Who am I? Emily? I couldn't answer. Because I feel like for a lot of us women, we've never been able to answer that question. Our identity has always been wrapped around with something for your daughters, or sisters, then we are students, then we are, you know, an employee of a company, then we are CEO for businesses, mothers, wives. And we've never asked ourselves, who are we? So for me, today, success as a business owner means that I am living in my highest self expression, that my inner purpose is meeting my outer purpose. I am living like my word for 2022 is peace. That's my like, if I am at peace, that for me is success. Now, of course, we need to make money in order to
live right. That's, that's the system we live in. Right? Yeah, money is
Deepshikha Sairam 07:03
the it's the lifeblood of our business. So if you're not a profitable business owner, then you have to look at your business. And you can you have to see where where am I losing money. However, for me, yeah, money is great to have, and I love money. I want to make lots of money, I want others to make lots of money. But for me, that fulfillment level, that self expression comes way higher than money. It's my deal with the universe that, okay, I'm gonna make I'm gonna make money, but it has to come with peace. It has to come with ease. It has to come where I am doing my greatest work my, my greatest contribution to the world. That's when I want to make money.
Emily Carter 07:46
I love that, you know, I we just wrapped up a summit called profit, purpose and pleasure where we talk really specifically about that you and I. So I really love this new title that you're taking spiritual business mentor, and it seems to me that this is really spot on, given what you've just shared around what your what your next year is, like, you know, I wonder what does it actually mean to bring that spiritual spirituality into business? You know, there can be, I think, a little bit of side eye about this, about bringing those things together. And I just want to clarify what that means versus maybe what folks might be imagining.
Deepshikha Sairam 08:23
Right, right. First, I want to say that I was actually a spiritual business mentor before now I'm kind of pivoting into just being spiritual mentor. And for me, spiritual business mentor, when I was doing that, it meant combining my business strategies with my spirituality. And now I feel like, I don't want to talk about business strategies, that's secondary, and that will come naturally to you, when you like I said, you, you have aligned your inner purpose without a purpose. So that's where the direction that I'm going in Emily are where I want to, I want to help entrepreneurs go from chaos to feeling grounded and centered and peace, so that they can, you know, rise above their inner clatter, like, you know, the inner chatter, the the self critique, and be in their higher self expression. Now, if someone who's listening and they're like, Ah, this is all like, bullshit, and this is like, this doesn't work, or I hear you, I get you. And I was two. I remember, I think it was probably three and a half, three and a half years ago, I was at a bookstore, and I was my friend. And she pointed to the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which is probably one of the, you know, best books on spirituality. And she said, he Deepshikha Have you read this book? It's a brilliant book, it talks about the power of being present. It talks about not engaging your ego, and it talks about meditation. And I was I scoffed at her. And I said, Okay, that's that's for people who are having a midlife crisis. So I totally hear you when you say that Aha doesn't work. And it's fine. It's totally fine. I feel like people who will find this conversation who will find me are the people who are yearning for that are the people who are like, Okay, we've got everything in our life. But there's something missing. There's there seems to be a misalignment. This is this is the question that they're asking who am I? So I totally hear you on that. And for, you know, I believe that we get to that point in life. And it's been proven now that by age 35, to 40 years of age, you've, you've had all experiences, you've, you felt shame you felt guilty or felt unworthy, you felt a non enough Ness, you felt joy, you felt wonder you felt you felt abundance, you've we've had all kinds of experiences, right. And between that age, there's nothing new that's happening to most people, right, we have our routines, we get up pretty much on the same time, every year, we get up from the same side of the bed, we use the toilet in the same way we drink coffee, probably from the same mug, we take the same route, we sit on the same desk day by day by day, we're living in a routine, right? There's nothing new happening in our life. So our soul that kind of like almost dead by this point. Because there's nothing new there's nothing like new and adventurous happening. A soul loves adventure, soul loves new things, it starts to ask all those questions. What's the purpose of life? What am I doing here? What's the meaning? Right? And this happens, usually with people who are asking these questions suddenly out of the blue, or, I have seen in most cases, it happens when there's a crisis. There's a saying that my spiritual mentor says, and she says, when you're broken, you are open. And for me, the first time it happened was my mom died. very suddenly. That was the first time when I was literally broken, and the light could come in. Right? And over the last couple of years, I feel like there's been so much collective consciousness, because the world is broken. Yes. Right. So spirituality could mean different things to different people what, you know, if you remove the meditation and the affirmations, and the and the rituals and the pneumonic, if you remove all of that, the one thing that spirituality can you can bring that in your life is by literally by letting the soul be awaken. And ask those deeper questions in your life.
Emily Carter 12:35
Yes, and all those things that you named are that kind of sound like bells and whistles are really ways for us to try to tap into that. But we have to know that that's what we're really after. Right? Yeah,
Deepshikha Sairam 12:46
yeah. You know, what I what I really feel spirituality is about is the death of the ego. Death of that part, which says that we always want more, we always want to have more, and we are never good enough. It's the depth of that. It is our walk back, you know, a path back to more wholeness to back to our true nature, how we were meant to be.
Emily Carter 13:08
Mm hmm. Yeah, before we grew up, and had all that stuff happened to us, that drove us away from that part that told us that wasn't possible or wasn't desirable. You know, I think about this a lot in the way that we pursue. Business is as being, you know, we have the capability to fulfill purpose to have and to experience pleasure while we're making that profit. But the core there really is about creating something that's authentic. And it sounds to me, like, the way that you're talking about spirituality is really tapping into the, like, most authentic piece of who we are.
Deepshikha Sairam 13:43
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. Because most of us, because we have the ego and everybody has that. It's not like, you know, somebody, there's no one on earth who doesn't have that. He like the ego thoughts. And I'm not. When I say ego, I'm talking about all those thoughts and patterns and a head, which makes us feel that, oh, if I have one house, then I feel good enough. Or maybe I should hit six figures. And then it's seven, because because it's never enough. So ego lives because of its identification, and its separation, its identification, to always having more, and it's separation, because at the bottom of it, it never feels good enough because it feels that it always needs to have so when when you have that goal you know we always are on this you know freight train to like the next checkbox. The next checkbox is never satisfied, right? In some ways, our purpose completely gets in MIS alignment with our inner purpose. And but when we line both of them up, that's where your true authentic, you know, purpose, your true authentic work. I love the word. I haven't read the book essentialism. It's on my desk right now. But one of my friends told me about it and she said the author talks about greatest contribution. I love that That's a question that I want to ask every day, what is my greatest contribution?
Emily Carter 15:04
Yeah. And you know, sometimes it's going to look different every day. You know, one of the things that I find really affirming about about being in business for myself is that even though I have these goals, and even though I have like this structure, and all these systems and processes, at the end of the day, what I'm really after is a certain kind of impact. Right. And so and I think that essentially, we're all after that some of us pursue that through our business, some of us pursue it through our hobbies, or other vocations that we have. So it really resonates with me to think about that greatest contribution, like you said, you know, I not to switch gears too hard. But I want to talk about something that I always see amplified around this time of year because and it seems to me that you might have your like, thumb on the pulse point of this, in the online business world. There's a lot of spiritual bypassing that I see happening. So and can we talk through what that is, and sort of how that does some harm? I see a lot of like, optimism as a as a bypass. So that toxic positivity, and finger pointing and pointing out how everyone else is doing it wrong, you know, in all of those forums, let's talk can we unpack that a little bit? Oh, yeah.
Deepshikha Sairam 16:16
Oh, my God, I would love this conversation. It might be a little bit controversial, but I love this. So here's the thing. So first of all, I think and again, no finger pointing your no blame here. But all the toxic positivity, the finger pointing, the blaming the judging, it's all these are all like, you know, different versions of the ego trying to show up in different masks. Right? Because ego is when we we are trying to either be superior, or when we are trying to make someone else wrong. Right. That's when that's that's what ego is, right? Yeah, like I said, it, it lives because it identifies itself as identification. Like with identity, like this thing is my identity. Like I said, like, you know, my business became my identity, that was my ego working through me, or separation, that I'm not good enough. So I must have the six figure business because I'm not good enough. Right now, um, all of us, we have these thought patterns due to something that might have happened. And these are basically emotions that were created in our body. So let's take an example to make it really like make the point drive really home. So let's say you're in fifth grade, and you are a part of the school, go club. And one day, they decided they'll take you out, because according to them, you're not cool enough. Right? So you know, take your version of this, it this must have happened to all of us, right? And you felt really sad. And now, somehow you the how you describe that is I felt like a loser. However, loser is not an emotion. It's right. You didn't feel like a loser? Yes, you did. But that was a part that was created by an emotion. So probably you felt hurt. You felt sad, you felt betrayed. And those emotions, you probably felt as in your heart, you maybe felt as in your solar plexus, right? So emotions are always born in the body that felt in the body. And then they travel up through a brain where they become thoughts. Now, if we stay with those thoughts for a longer period of time, then those thoughts become our temperament. Right? Actually, they become a mood for so for the first like, maybe three days, you felt like a loser felt like a loser. But if they if they stay in your body, if the emotion stay in your body, then they become a temperament. Right? So everybody's like, Oh, he's a loser, or she's a loser. And if they say stay with you in your body for a very, very long period of time, I'm talking 20 years, 30 years, that becomes your personality. Right and your personality, it affects your reality, your personal reality. Yes. Now emotion, they have a code word in between, in that word, it's E motion, it's energy that is in motion and emotion, likes to move, like anything that goes into our body. It likes to move. Our heart pumps blood throughout our body, it doesn't stay stagnant, right? We eat, we digest food, and we put it up like rubra VP, right? Same with emotions. When they stuck. This is stuck in our body. They manifest as either disease, which could be mental disease, or it could also be physical disease. It's been proven now research has shown that stress rises our cortisol levels if you've been if you've been grieving for a long time, or if you've been betrayed and you've held on to that emotion, that literally shuts down the immune system, right, the fibromyalgia, lots of cancers. I would say all of autoimmune diseases are the cause is unknown as per the medical diagnosis, however, they there has to be something that has happened in their life that caused that right? I'm not pulling this out of my butt. Go check. Get out. This is a scientific research that has been done. actually recommend watching the documentary heal H E L. on Netflix. I think it's on Netflix or Amazon Prime. And you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. So what have we been told? That it's not good to feel? We've been told that we have to shut down emotions and not feel it.
Emily Carter 20:23
Yeah. Both sexes even right. So the men are perceived as being weak or effeminate for showing emotion and women are called hysterical. It's, there's a huge history of this, manifesting that way. And so we've all been taught on a certain level, no matter who we are, that it's actually not okay to show certain emotions. Sure,
Deepshikha Sairam 20:44
totally. Right. Both men, women and all genders. Like we've been told that it's not okay to show emotions, you're being dramatic, you're being hysterical, or you're being too emotional. Emotions have a feeling has been, the connotation has been negative, like you've been too emotional. What does that even mean?
Emily Carter 21:05
Deepshikha Sairam 21:07
The antidote to that is I, you know, I call it the art of allowing, which is you allow the emotions to come through and move through your body. So I always like to give an example of my, my younger one, he still like that he's, you know, and he was like that, ever since he was younger. And I guess I also evolved as a mom, because when I had my older one, when he will cry, what do we do to kids who cry like we will try to make them stop? Right? We try to make them feel that it's not good to cry. Right? So I will distract him. I'm trying to make him love. I will take him out, show him the garbage truck. I'll just switch on the television. Right, do anything, but just make the baby Stop crying? Because crying is inconvenient. Right? Right. That's what we've been taught. That's what I was doing. However, my second son came along. And I do feel like he's been my biggest spiritual teacher. And nothing worked on him. Nothing, you like no distraction, nothing, when he would start crying, he would have a full blown emotional release. And I could not do anything except just stay there and hold space for him. I could not even touch him and just sit there and he will cry, cry, cry, maybe 30 minutes, maybe 45 minutes, sometimes even an hour or so. I was a very exhausted mom event. Am I sick and he didn't sleep and he cried a lot. And a lot of emotions. And, and suddenly Emily, he would stop crying. And he will be like, let's go play ball MAMA. I will just move through right now what the culture has shown us with the toxic positivity with spiritual bypassing with all the manifestation techniques. And the secret and all of that that has come along is you need to feel positive emotions in order to manifest what you want in life. It is so ego based. First of all, you're manifesting a car or house because your ego says that if I don't have that I'm not good enough, right? It's got nothing to do with your soul just for once. And then even if you feel worse, you're trying to force yourself to feel good. It's never gonna work. The subconscious brain is so goddamn intelligent. It runs the program and you 90% of the times. And that's why you know, people take all these manifestation courses, read all these books, maybe have a little bit of a win because it's new. And remember what I said, our soul wants new things. It wants adventure. So when it sees something new happening, it totally cooperates. But then it's like, Dude, you have this trauma from like, when you were five year old, and you haven't dealt with it. So goodbye, I can't do anything. Your subconscious brain is running that pattern right now. I can't even if I wanted to. Even if I wanted to give you the car, the house the money, I can't, because the subconscious brain is saying, you know, good enough, you're a loser, you're a failure. So that's when the positive toxic toxicity come into, you know, creating a lot of problems for people because they keep doing this stuff. And it caused a lot of damage. And because you're not looking at your emotions, so you're trying to think positive, but your body's literally in the past. Again, you know, I'm referring referencing all this from Dr. Joe Dispenza. US work if you haven't heard of him, definitely check out his books. He's done so much research on neuroscience, how the brain mechanism work with emotion. So I'm not making this stuff up. This stuff is real. You know, he says, and I love this that the science of missed the language of mysticism is science, right? If I throw a bunch of stuff like spiritual stuff at you, you will shut down because our brain needs data like and he he provides that data. So nobody's better than him to learn about this work for sure. But if you're not going to allow yourself to feel that emotion and what I want I mean is not, not getting swept in that emotion. But allowing yourself to feel it, however, make a conscious choice that okay, I am allowing myself to feel it, but I'm not a part of that emotion right now.
Emily Carter 25:17
Right? So allowing yourself to acknowledge the emotion that you're having, and the experience of having that emotion while also recognizing that you are not actually that emotion, right? This is a process, a processing of that emotion.
Deepshikha Sairam 25:31
Yes, this is a processing of that emotion, and I'm not going to carry it onwards, I'm not going to, you know, it's like when you have a thought, let's say you have a thought of I'm a loser, okay, I identify it, I'm having this thought. But what happens is that when we become that thought, when we start following the trail, either we're living in the past, or we're living in the future, either we're remembering the past, or we're saying, Oh, I'm gonna have an interview tomorrow, or I have a launch, but I'm failure, it's not gonna work out. You're never in the present moment. Right? You're never never centered and grounded. And that's where the chaos and the restlessness comes from, right? Because you're always thinking, Oh, I'm a loser and have a launch coming up, and it's not going to be one, it's gonna happen. And then you're, you're restless, certainly. But if you can come in the present moment and identify that, yes, I can see that it's happening. And I feel that it's gonna allow myself to feel sad right now, while not making it good or bad. Right? Not making sure that oh, it's like, you know, my I lost my toenail. Today, my day is ruined. Like none of that. But being in the present moment, that that's when you can begin to transmute some of these emotions. Yeah, so
Emily Carter 26:39
one of the things that I'm really curious about is if you have anything that you can share about the the process of physically acknowledging those emotions in your body and working with the body to actually help move those emotions through, because it's one thing to acknowledge the emotion, it's another thing to actually physically work through it. So can you kind of tell us a little bit about that process? And maybe how that works? Yeah,
Deepshikha Sairam 27:07
I mean, there are lots and lots of modalities, Emily, that, you know, I have done myself, and I do want to, you know, lay down on here that if you've had significant trauma in your life, then working with a mental health expert is so, so important. Even if you're spiritually, you know, you have a lot of spiritual knowledge, you're working with coaches and all of that. That is your main mental health expert is going to help you at levels where no one can write even if they're trauma informed coaches. And it's it's good to work with trauma informed coaches, but definitely get the help. And this is by again, an author This is not a medical diagnosis, right? If you if you have you know, depression or if you have suicidal ideations, please, please, please, please get the help you will thank yourself later on. Having said that, there are so many modalities that I have done a couple of my favorite one of them is breath work. I love it, even though I'm like, oh my god, breath work again. I love it, because it really goes into my subconscious brain. And it allows me to process the emotion. And the another modality that I love, it's called Emotion Code. And there are lots of Emotion Code practitioners and myself one, and this is basically, you know, a modality, it's an energy healing modality, where you are releasing the trapped emotions from your body. Right? There's so many meditations. I mean, if you're new, then definitely start with meditations. And go, go in that stillness, go in that stillness for it to be revealed. And this is very uncomfortable work, Emily, because yeah, it is, it's gonna, it's gonna come up, shit is gonna come up, and you're gonna have to move through it. So make sure you have all the support and the tools. So Emotion Code is one you know, breathwork is one another one that I love doing and has had such a big impact on me it's called a matrix reimprinting and this is where that this is like all the big guns in this. This is where you know, we use EFT we use a combination of like a spiritual method, we call in divine guidance, we call in some intergalactic beans. This is like at a level transmutation is happening. That it it, it takes the emotional charge, and you don't want to erase the the experience, right? You don't you don't ever want to do that you don't want to read are erasing your past. You're not without erasing the lessons. We're just releasing the emotional charge from that so that your body and you can finally start living in the present moment, then reliving those thoughts again and again. Because an experience or an event without emotion is wisdom, and we want that we want wisdom. We don't want to be dragging that As with us throughout our life, we want to cut off those tethers, and we want to be free so that we can create our own future now, like imagine, how would it feel to business owners? If they did not have the thought that they are not good enough?
Emily Carter 30:17
Right? I mean, how often are our business owners sitting down to create something for their business and getting stuck and mired in the I have nothing to say today? Exactly. Loop? Right. And, and you know, what happens when you stop thinking that thought is that you can actually put something down on the page and say something, but like, if you're continually just thinking, I don't have anything to say, well, then yeah, you're probably not going to get to that thought. That's worth sharing. You know?
Deepshikha Sairam 30:46
Yeah. Everyone that I've worked with, I don't think I can, there's an exception. Everyone that I've worked with, I work with a lot of women in the past. We've helped them get amazing success, you know, multiple, five figure months, six figure businesses, what changed the game change, not when they applied a particular strategy, the game change when they finally accepted that they are worthy, that they are good enough to create that business. With the unworthiness.
Emily Carter 31:24
Yes. And this is so important, because literally, so many of the strategies that folks are already aware of, and trying to implement, can work, right, there's a certain amount of experimentation and dialing it in, right. But listen, any one of those strategies can work for any of these businesses, for any of these business owners. But there has to be the opportunity to learn and build and learn and build. And part of that is actually trusting in yourself, and, and feeling really good at what you do. Knowing that what you do has actual value totally changes the way that you show up in your business, it changes how you do your marketing, it changes so much about how your business operates, that it's really hard to, to look at it any other way as that transformation is actually about how you value yourself.
Deepshikha Sairam 32:26
Right? Totally. And not only does it change your business, it changes your relationship with yourself.
Emily Carter 32:34
I love that you said that. Because there are there are four relationships that I am always talking about. And the first one is your relationship to yourself. Everything comes from everything that you will create in your business and in your life comes from you. You're the common denominator. And so that relationship with yourself is the first one that I like to talk about. I talk about our relationship to time because we can often feel like we're running out of time, or don't have enough time, which is just to construct. There's always enough time. Yeah, and the relationship to work, and how we do our work and our relationship and community and to the people that we care about these four relationships, I feel are like the bedrock of everything. And I look at it through the lens of how can I help business owners with these relationships? Right. So it's really good to hear you call that one out because everything flows from that relationship with self from
Deepshikha Sairam 33:28
that relationship, right. Remember when I said that spirituality is literally it means the death of the ego and walking that path back to your own true nature and what happens when you walk that back? Back that bad, stung Twister, we are becoming more whole, right? When we are becoming more whole and we are not in Lac we are not in separation. So obviously everything has to change. When your relationship with yourself changes when you no longer see yourself as not good enough as unworthy as the imposter. Or as you're no longer in the lack. You're no longer feel less than oh my gosh, Emily, those are some really deep wounds. I've had them all my life. I've had the unworthiness and feeling less than there were so many times I would be in masterminds with people who I had, I would give anything to be on that table. And I was and I was fumbling through my words not because I don't know English, but because I felt so tiny. Like I felt so so tiny in my body. And I felt that these people are still ahead of me and I feel so less than imagine if you stopped feeling that the impact that you can make what would be your greatest contribution? How would you live in your highest self expression?
Emily Carter 34:52
I've sometimes heard this described as having audacity have the audacity to speak up and be who you are and call it out the way that you See it right and to show up in that confident way. And, and I often hear people say fake it till you make it. And I'm like, You can't fake that. You can speak up. And that can be your first step. Right? But, but faking it till you make it is not actually how you get to confidence, right? You get to confidence by continually showing up and learning and doing the thing, you gain confidence by doing it. Right,
Deepshikha Sairam 35:25
right. Absolutely. You gain confidence by doing it. And here's the thing. So many people who are listening to this conversation who would come to you know, who would be my email subscribers? Or would come to my events? They would be people who would take it? And yeah, it'll it'll give them like, you know, ahead for a day or two, they'll think about and then they'll do nothing about it. Right. But then there are people who are gonna say, the buck stops here with me right now. Yeah, I'm going to do this. I'm going to go watch the documentary heal. I'm going to follow Dr. Jordan Spencer's work, I'm going to go, you know, come to maybe one of the because retreat and do the matrix reimprinting, I'm going to work with a spiritual coach, I'm going to work with a therapist. Those are the people. Now you are in the river of change. Now you are really making a connection with the quantum field, the infinite intelligence. And now you're saying I am not here for chump change, right? You're to make long lasting change. And guess what you're doing. When you're doing that, you're you're literally and again, it's been proven through research, you're literally you're literally starting new genes, you're sending a signal to your gene, to your DNA to your neurons, to fire and wire new neurons. Right. And when you are doing that you are breaking that those generational bonds that you've had, I mean, epigenetics have proven have proved now that we have taken trauma from our past generations as well. Imagine if you can no longer pass back to your future generation.
Emily Carter 37:01
Oh, so this is so this, I love that we're talking about this. Because there is there are a number of people that I know personally, who have I would classify as generational trauma. They can't remember anything particularly strong in their life that has caused this this sense of trauma. But I would say it's likely that something happened along their family line that has been passed down. So epigenetics the the famous case study that I read about was in patriarchy, stress disorder. Yes. Yeah. And, and the, you know, I think it was mice who were exposed to a cherry smell, and then received negative physical feedback, then passed on the fear of that scent to their young, who had never been exposed to that smell, but had a fear response when they caught the scent of cherries. And I found that really fascinating, because it explained a lot about how we might be carrying things with us that we're not actually really aware of, because they didn't happen to us directly. But we're carrying them in our in our genetics, our DNA has primed us for responding to this stimulus in this way, right?
Deepshikha Sairam 38:17
Absolutely. Yeah. So the the, the technique that I was talking to you about emotion code. So basically, what emotion code does is that the practitioner will proxy your energy and we will muscle test for you. And we're basically asking your subconscious questions and subconscious, subconscious never lies, right? It will not tell you like full like detailed answers will always respond in yes or no, right? Yes or no questions. And I'm not seeing that in many, like, almost every day, I do at least one session. And then I've seen that at least come up once or twice in one session, it has come up with me the first time when this happened. It was like, Oh, my God, there was the emotion of hopelessness that came up for me through my subconscious, and we, and we realized that I had inherited that from my mom. And then when we went back to the generation line, it was coming from eight generations ago, eight generations, my mom's mom or mom, her mom, we had carried the trauma or the emotion of hopelessness. And when we released it in mind, what I understand that the Emotion Code is not only and I have, I have got this message from my guides. When we do that work, we are not only creating a ripple effect in the future timelines, we are not only releasing that, that emotion, that trauma from our generation, but all our future time timelines, but we are also releasing our past to generate residuals to talk about gives it removes that emotion from our past timelines as well and past generations as well. I mean, this is such amazing work.
Emily Carter 40:03
So I love talking about this through a sense of how dynamic it is, I love that we're using the word relationship, to talk about relationship to self relationship to time and these things, because that implies a certain to me dynamics, right? Like it changes over time, because people change over time. And that ultimately, our role is to try to navigate the dynamics of those relationship changes. And to notice them. So it's good to hear how, how that can impact you know, even our, like how we pass things along to the community around us, because I think about our businesses as tools for self empowerment, and personal empowerment. But I also think that there is this ripple effect that happens that we can be completely unaware of. But once we bring our awareness to the fact that what we create in our business, and how we run our business actually creates the world around us, and has an impact outside of us and outside of the clients that we're dealing with, you know, really directly that it starts to make possible things that previously seemed like problems that were unsolvable, just because of the breadth of them and the and how big they are. Right? And and how would you connect that to what we've been talking about that sense of that ripple effect?
Deepshikha Sairam 41:27
Well, I think when we, it's practice, right, it, nothing happens in one day. It's it's practice. And there's a huge part of surrender as well in it, when we keep practicing our and our commitment to not let those emotions be a part of our, our future self and our present self. And we keep practicing, and we keep going deep in it and we keep, of course egoic thoughts will always come at you will always or happens with habits with everybody, right? Only maybe the enlightened being like Buddha, and other people might not have it. But we are humans, right? We are here meant to have a human experience. So when you're going to see someone on Instagram, totally killing it, you're going to feel judgmental, right? That is fine. And all that is fine. You're allowed to have your human experience over here. But what becomes a problem is again, when you start identifying with it, and when you become that thought, right? So practicing it again and again. And again. And this is concept of emergence that I absolutely love. Have you seen these, like these, these of the School of fishes, and they're just going in, like, I wish, I don't know if this is going to be on video, but then just go like this, they go on left, and then all of them go right. And then we've seen in boats do like it feels like when you look at that it feels like there's a leader, there's someone who's leading that school of fish or the flock of birds. And that leader is basically guiding the path and everybody's following it. But there's been research done on emergence. And it it says that it's not a top down approach. It is a bottom up approach.
Emily Carter 43:05
Yeah, it's really collaborative, too, right? Like, it's not, it's not so much that we're following a leader as they are collaborating together and reacting to each other and responding. Right? Exactly,
Deepshikha Sairam 43:17
it is when one person decides to change, and that energy signal starts going out to everybody, they all collaborate, and then this all start moving in, it feels like a dance, right? I believe that that's the new earth like, that's what all these spiritual teachers have been talking about an age as an agent, you can go back to the Buddhism principles, you can back go back to, you know, Dao De Jing, which was written like, centuries ago, ages ago. And all of that leads to this that when one person decides that, that affects one more, and that affects three more, and that affects more, that's the ripple effect that I'm talking about.
Emily Carter 43:56
Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for summing that up so perfectly. I love it. So I don't know if you're aware of Adrienne Marie Browns book emergent strategy. It's like my favorite book of all time. But she talks about some of these emergences through her work, as in social justice, but I find it really helpful just in navigating all kinds of things. So it's like my favorite book, and I've highlighted the heck out of it. But I'd highly I'd highly recommend it to you. If you haven't
Deepshikha Sairam 44:25
read it happens. Well, what's the name of the book?
Emily Carter 44:29
It's called emergent strategy.
Deepshikha Sairam 44:32
Oh, you're like, you know what? I might have it at my house because my husband is a huge strategy guy. He's Yes,
Emily Carter 44:39
this is really good. It's one of my it's one of my favorite books of all time, and it's not even a business book. But I find myself incorporating its ideas into my business all the time. So that was just a spoke to my heart. Thank you. You know, another thing that I'm thinking is that how we're constantly tapping into ideas. You know, you said that these ideas aren't new. Teachers have been talking about them for ages and ages and ages, right. And one of the things that I think business owners in particular can believe is that unless their idea is 100% original, that it's not worth they're sharing it. And the reason I want to talk about this is that we can reference other people's ideas in relation to our own right, like we've been talking about relationship to self, neither of us came up with that idea, right. But we're both applying it in specific ways, right, and thinking about our relationships to things in this world as dynamic and changing. Right. And to me, I feel like there's this sense of there are not enough ideas. Right. And we talk about that for a little bit, because it ties back into that sense of enoughness around so much other stuff.
Deepshikha Sairam 45:53
Yeah, I honestly feel like that was my biggest nemesis for a very, very long time. And I need to have an original idea. The couple of ways that I have navigated that myself. And as I am taking this approach to spiritual mentorship, I'm again, you know, like, maybe I need to have my own unique framework. No, I don't, here's, here's the thing. So I'm writing a book, okay. It's nowhere done. I don't know when it will be done. But I'm writing one. My book coach, her name is Emily. I went to her and I was like, what Emily, this has been said before, like, you know, it's been done before. And she said something great to me, which I want to repeat in full credit to Emily, again, see what I did there. I'm, I'm giving you an an idea. But I am referencing someone else's work. And she said, Deepika, if you go to a book store, Every book has been written about before, right? So let's say if you're writing about shame, Brene, Brown has written about shame, right? What you're gonna do is you're going to wrap the topic of shame, with your experiences, with your thoughts with your own idea with your own perspective. And you are joining a conversation with Bernie. Right? If you're talking about marketing, you can have your own perception, your own ideas, your own thoughts, and you're joining now, Seth Godin conversation, right. If you're talking about emergence, you're joining the other authors conversation, and what a privilege it is to be able to become part of other people's conversation.
Emily Carter 47:29
Oh, my gosh, I love that light
Deepshikha Sairam 47:32
is so amazing. It just changes your paradigm. It just changes your outlook, how you look at that. And then it's also again, my another mentor, Laura Bell, Ray talks about that. Everything has been said before, everything has been done before. However, there is one person or two people or 1000 people who need to hear it from you, they need to hear it from you, and exactly the way you say it, and exactly how you said it at the time that you said,
Emily Carter 47:59
Oh, and this really brings in that sort of like, collaborative sense of how we can have a conversation that we're building on each other's conversations. And also that sense of needing to express yourself. Right and, and feeling comfortable doing that. Right.
Deepshikha Sairam 48:20
And also again, you know, going back to the example that I gave you at the beginning of this conversation where I was in a bookstore with a friend, she pointed to the power of now and I set out and I scoffed at her, even if you are the person that need to hear from maybe it is not the right time for them. So I picked up I've had this book from Agartala, it's on my desk right now sitting on eggs. For the last two and a half years. I picked it up in Boston from a really good bookstore and I it was on my shelf. And I started reading it on a flight a couple of months ago, actually a few weeks ago. And everything that he talks about makes complete sense to me, but I can guarantee you Emily, if I would have picked it up in August of this year. If I would have picked it up in January of this year or last year it would not have made sense to me. Everything that he's saying now is like oh yes of course I understand this I understand that. So your idea can be the right idea for the right person at the wrong time. Right yeah, there there we go with the with our egoic thoughts or inner chatter because we are we are conditioned to think from lack that if it hasn't worked now they will never work like if I email list subscriber doesn't buy now. They will never buy like it's gone. It's like it's a failed launch. However they might they might need to hear from you. Maybe next month, maybe next year.
Emily Carter 49:53
I love this because it it really lets you feel like nothing is ever really wasted. Right. So so whatever we're creating, and however we're putting it together, it's not a waste, and it's not ever a complete failure. It's only a complete failure if we choose not to reflect on that, and, and understand what learning we can carry forward and, and what we can build on from that, that previous experience. So, you know, this also makes me think of how often I've worked with business owners who have been told something along the lines of, you know, follow this exact script, or ad copy or sales page or whatever, whatever. And they feel like really uncomfortable with it. Right? Yeah. And that, and they're, and they're being told by a mentor, that they just need to step out of their comfort zone and do it anyway. And you and I both know that that is not a solid straight sales strategy, and that it kind of relates to what we've been talking about, can we unpack what's happening? And maybe like, why that sales strategy is a stinker? And can you give us some pointers from your experience that can help us navigate that?
Deepshikha Sairam 51:02
Yeah. Well, first of all, what I've learned, you know, during business strategy for more than four years, is that every individual is so unique, right? What may work for me might not work for you, because you're a completely different personality. Not only are we introverts, EXO extroverts ENFP, and like 1000 million other things that we've had, but our, our lived experiences are different. But we are cultures might be different. So what works for one person may or may not work with another person? It totally depends on on what the strategy is, what time are they using that strategy, what their personality is, there's so many like factors to it. So just taking something and saying this is my formula to success is is absolutely the wrong approach. Because there is no formula to success. I always say there's no magic beans there no magic beans at all. Right. You know, I love books, and I gotta get into the doula books as well. And I like to give references for books. And there's a book called get different by Michael Michael. I would never pronounce his last name. Right. But his his first name is Mike, he's, he's the author of profit first.
Emily Carter 52:25
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Deepshikha Sairam 52:29
I love his books is very, is a very funny guy. And what he says, he says the same thing that, you know, there's so many strategies, and actually, they're not so many strategies, if you're, like, have a room of a group of people, and you ask them what strategies of lead generation or sales strategies they've used. They're only like six or seven, right? Like, they're not so many different strategies, right? Oh, you can send us send a DM like, they're only like, you know, innovations and that strategy, you can send a DM to get a say, oh, no, you can send a bom bom video now, or you can send, like, they're only like six or seven strategy. One strategy that always works is it might sound cheesy, it might sound cliche, but it is true. One strategy that will always work is by being you. When you're authentically yourself, and you can go out there and really own who you are. And then then doesn't matter what strategy you're using. Right? So I'm not I'm not against strategies, I use strategies in my business, definitely use what resonates with you. But your body is your biggest, biggest, you know, answer, like ask about it. Does it feel right to me? Or am I forcing myself like, if you're forcing yourself to do something, then chances are it might not. It's not gonna work? Right? If you're doing it the joy, with wonder and you know, going back to you know, what you just said before, like, you know, success and failures and creation. We, I believe that we are we were meant to be creators. Art with businesses, offers programs, courses, whatever we were here to create. However, we were here to create and live in the wonder and the joy and the art of creating and not be the creation. And what's happened is that we create, but we become so attached to the creation itself, that we lose the wonder and the joy.
Emily Carter 54:23
Yes. I love the way that Glennon Doyle talks about this. I think that she said she she gets asked all the time, how to how to make like a really great blog, like how do you how do you get followers, right? And she's like, that is a ridiculous question. You just show up the same way that you would for 14 people that you would if you had like 1000 people, right? And the other thing that she says is that it's not your job to babysit what you create, right? Like it's not your job to walk around and make sure that everyone likes it, you know, like it's, it's out there in the world. And I think that in some ways I find this really freeing as a creator because it means that when I create something, it's not just mine, it actually becomes like part of a collective, you know, part of that collective conversation that we were talking about before. Yeah, I find this really freeing because it means that one, I'm not by myself out there. And to I'm not required to make sure that everyone likes it or responds to it the way that I want them to you.
Deepshikha Sairam 55:18
Right, right. Yeah. When you're doing that, you you now become the creation itself, right? You become stewards success and failure. And both are both are not okay. Like, you know, being attached to the failure and also being overly attached to success both and Okay. Like, if you think about the universe, I believe that's how the universe created the universe. It made the flowers and the valleys and the oceans and you and me with, like, complete wonder and joy and all? And what if the universe had become too attached with its creation? Yes, yeah, I think we would have like half apples. And half, like flowers. Yeah, would be Half Moon and Half, half sun, and there would be total chaos. And that's what happens, we have that in total chaos, and sometimes out of chaos as well. Because when we become too attached to what we are creating, so creative, let it go surrender to the to the, you know, to the world, your job is to create, and like it's such a big gift, if we can just detach ourselves from it, and be like, okay, it is what it is. And going back to that, it's like, it's a very simple concept. But it's so hard to I know, it's so hard to wrap your head around it. Because like, Deepshikha, how can I not be attached to the creation? It's my business, it's my baby. Yes, but it's not you. Right? A business is not you. And if it is, boy, you're gonna have a problem.
Emily Carter 56:50
Man, it's gonna be a really hard, really hard path to follow. If that's where you're coming from, you know, I talk about that in terms of what I call hustle culture, or sometimes referred to as toxic capitalism. And that idea that our productivity is our self worth, right? And how wrapped up that can be in our relationship to work and how, when we can detach ourselves from that, suddenly things, you know, feedback just becomes feedback. It's not a judgment, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. D I have really enjoyed taking up so much of your time today. But I think that we're coming up on the end of our time together. And like I said, Thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom with us today. Before you go, though, I just want to ask you where folks can connect with you more and, and continue to soak up this wisdom that you shared with us today?
Deepshikha Sairam 57:46
Well, first of all, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to come here and talk about all these concepts, because I am just like you and all your listeners, right? I get caught up in my self worth and my imposter as well. So thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to discuss some of these ideas. I know that there are so some of these are novel and hard to wrap around. But I really really appreciate the opportunity and the chance to share my thoughts about this. Where can you find me so like I said at the top of this call that I am kind of like pivoting and none of my work right now reflected in fact, Emily, you're probably the first place where I have, like, you know, made the announcement that I'm good. I want to be a spiritual mentor. I do really feel like that's like my soul calling me. I think the best place right now would be to join me on Instagram deep chakra Sairam and send me a message send me a DM what part of this conversation Did you like? What part did you not like? Do you have any questions? What resonated with you, I would love to have this conversation. One of my greatest contribution is, you know, I feel like there is such a big huge whale that has been in front of us and almost kind of makes me emotional that we've all been living in this falsehood of the ego the patriarchy has created, right that our system has created that we have to do something in order to feel worthy. We have to have something in order to feel good. And I like my greatest contribution is to help as many people as I can to remove that veil and really point them back to their true north wind them back to their true nature so that they can realize that we are the creators, we can create everything that we want and we don't really need anyone's approval. Anyone's anyone pleasing us and anyone giving us a stamp of approval, that we are good enough. Right? So that's like my biggest purpose. So definitely DM me on Instagram and tell me what part you'd like. I would love to hear from you.
Emily Carter 59:48
Thank you so much Dee.
Deepshikha Sairam 59:51
You can find Deepshikha on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/deepshikhasairam/